[jgas]

My ex wife brought home a skinny little approx. 9 month old kitten several yrs ago. About the 3rd night we had it, I was cooking a huge steak on the stove. Went back to check on it, and it was gone! The skillet was sizzling, grease popping. The dog was outside. The wife was in the shower. I actually thought I was losing my mind and hadn't put it on, even though I remembered seasoning it and starting to cook it. I let the dog in to see if he looked guilty, nope. But he never looks guilty, but I knew he didn't do it. I went back to accuse the wife of playing a prank, but she was re-doing her fake blonde hair, and I knew that took awhile so she couldn't have done it.

Then I heard the cat pitch a fit, yowling like crazy. The dog had smelled the steak and was sitting at the bottom of the laundry closet staring at the cat. The damn cat was sitting way up high on the top shelf, guarding that big steak! The steak had a fork sticking out of it which I had left in it, and it was still too hot to eat, but that poor old half starved cat had the prize of her life! I wanted to shoot the cat, but it was too darn funny so I cut it up (the steak, not the cat), and gave her some and the dog some for finding her and the steak for me. I was pretty impressed that the skinny cat had managed to get on the top shelf with a steak that weighed as much as she did.

But here's the really funny part: Late that night, after tossing out the scraps in the trash, I heard a crash. The cat managed to open the cabinet door where the trash can was, pull out the can, and was eating the left overs. The dang cat actually attacked me and scratched me as she ran by, this after I had given her a big peice of steak earlier! Ungrateful and unacceptable.

I put some steak scraps and the cat inside one of those super-heavy-duty contractors trash bags and tied the top, then spun the bag and popped it with a big spoon to make alot of noise. I really gave the poor can hell. After about 30 minutes of spinning, turning, and popping the cat in the bag, (well maybe just a couple of minutes), with the dog looking on with great pleasure, I let the cat out. You ever spin a cat on a slick floor until they are dizzy and let them go? They run sideways, into stuff, hollar like crazy, it's hilarious! Try putting them in a bag and spin them all directions for 2 minutes and bang on the bag! Make sure no one gets video, or animal control will surely arrest you. But: Problem solved! That was many years ago, the cat just died, but for all those years that cat would not even go into the kitchen, near a trash bag, near any table scraps, and if you made any noise similar to a plastic bag being wrinkled that cat was gone for an hour! Even when you opened a bag of cat food, close enough. The cat was vamoosed. And she wouldn't eat table scraps. Cat food was plenty good for her.